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I just found the most awesome guy ever. 10/15/08
Tired of Clint Eastwood being so cool? Tired of Clive Owen making you look like a women because he is so manly? Me too.
Fortunately for us, their time in the spotlight is over. Unfortunately for us, a more awesome dude has just come to town,
and he looks like this:
Fortunately for us, their time in the spotlight is over. Unfortunately for us, a more awesome dude has just come to town,
and he looks like this:
This is Mr. Rob Awesome. He's sporting a killer six pack, manly pecs, a bottle of Grey Goose, an ace of spades in his
bandanna, a gun in his underwear, a new issue of Star magazine, and lots of shiny bling. This is the most awesome picture
ever taken of a person. He has pursed his lips together as if to say "Yeah, I know. What are you going to do about it?" The
pursing of the lips is usually an effeminate action executed by partying college girls for Facebook pictures, but Rob Awesome
has taken it and turned it into something manly.
bandanna, a gun in his underwear, a new issue of Star magazine, and lots of shiny bling. This is the most awesome picture
ever taken of a person. He has pursed his lips together as if to say "Yeah, I know. What are you going to do about it?" The
pursing of the lips is usually an effeminate action executed by partying college girls for Facebook pictures, but Rob Awesome
has taken it and turned it into something manly.
This is Mr. Rob Awesome's car. It is awesome.
| This is his other awesome car. |
| He is deep in thought in this picture, thinking about how awesome his Transformers motorbike is. |
Mr. Rob Awesome has achieved a level of awesomeness I never dreamed existed. I can only hope one day I will meet him and
he will teach me how to be cool. Until then I will continue to attend my chess club meetings and finish reading the entire Sailor
Moon manga series.
he will teach me how to be cool. Until then I will continue to attend my chess club meetings and finish reading the entire Sailor
Moon manga series.
No-Shave November Update 2 11/19/08
No-Shave November Update 11/14/08
Lego Futurama 11/11/08
It's No-Shave November 11/8/08
Let's Not Forget About Ron Paul 11/5/08
MLB is Making Adjustments 11/3/08
Pay Heed, All Who Enter 10/23/08
A Taste Worth Dying For! 10/20/08
The most awesome guy ever 10/15/08
Pregnancy Tips 10/12/08
Bacon Sushi 10/9/08
BaconSalt Diaries Episode 1 10/6/08
A cigar is just a cigar...or is it? 10/4/08
Ready for tonight's VP debate? 10/2/08
Smile for the Camera, Obama 10/1/08
Understanding of reality is destroyed 9/29/08
You've got something in your hair 9/28/08
Stock Market's crashing? Who cares! 9/25/08
Score One For The Orwig 9/24/08
Night of the Demons - A Review 9/22/08
Master of Illusion Beate Gutschow 9/18/08
The Dibs Television Spot 9/11/08
Why So Serious, Jollywood? 9/7/08
This Ain't No Carnival 9/6/08
We Need Your Help! 8/4/08
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter 7/26/08
Creepy Wikipedia Articles 7/3/08
The Kingdom of the Crystal Quiche 6/2/08
Google Offices in Zurich 6/2/08
Online Girlfriend 5/22/08
The Cat and Mouse 5/22/08
Sam's Spoon Barn 4/19/08
Badass Truck of America 4/19/08
Dork Productions Classics 4/17/08
The Bacon Quilt 4/12/08
A Message For Caryn 4/12/08
Dubai: Friend or Insane? 4/10/08
Nine Manliest Names in the World 3/24/08
Cartoon 2/25/08
Jack Teaches Black History 2/25/08
So I've Landed On Mars 2/5/08
Super Smash Bros. Brawl Game 2/5/08
The Tour of Jack's Bathroom 2/1/08
Dream Log 2/1/08
World Mustache Championship 10/26/07
Game Fuel Comic Adventure 10/22/07
Jack's Wild World of Weird Animals 9/2/07
Soviets Launching a Pig out of a Cannon
8/30/07
No-Shave November Update 11/14/08
Lego Futurama 11/11/08
It's No-Shave November 11/8/08
Let's Not Forget About Ron Paul 11/5/08
MLB is Making Adjustments 11/3/08
Pay Heed, All Who Enter 10/23/08
A Taste Worth Dying For! 10/20/08
The most awesome guy ever 10/15/08
Pregnancy Tips 10/12/08
Bacon Sushi 10/9/08
BaconSalt Diaries Episode 1 10/6/08
A cigar is just a cigar...or is it? 10/4/08
Ready for tonight's VP debate? 10/2/08
Smile for the Camera, Obama 10/1/08
Understanding of reality is destroyed 9/29/08
You've got something in your hair 9/28/08
Stock Market's crashing? Who cares! 9/25/08
Score One For The Orwig 9/24/08
Night of the Demons - A Review 9/22/08
Master of Illusion Beate Gutschow 9/18/08
The Dibs Television Spot 9/11/08
Why So Serious, Jollywood? 9/7/08
This Ain't No Carnival 9/6/08
We Need Your Help! 8/4/08
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter 7/26/08
Creepy Wikipedia Articles 7/3/08
The Kingdom of the Crystal Quiche 6/2/08
Google Offices in Zurich 6/2/08
Online Girlfriend 5/22/08
The Cat and Mouse 5/22/08
Sam's Spoon Barn 4/19/08
Badass Truck of America 4/19/08
Dork Productions Classics 4/17/08
The Bacon Quilt 4/12/08
A Message For Caryn 4/12/08
Dubai: Friend or Insane? 4/10/08
Nine Manliest Names in the World 3/24/08
Cartoon 2/25/08
Jack Teaches Black History 2/25/08
So I've Landed On Mars 2/5/08
Super Smash Bros. Brawl Game 2/5/08
The Tour of Jack's Bathroom 2/1/08
Dream Log 2/1/08
World Mustache Championship 10/26/07
Game Fuel Comic Adventure 10/22/07
Jack's Wild World of Weird Animals 9/2/07
Soviets Launching a Pig out of a Cannon
8/30/07
A Taste Worth Dying For! 10/20/08
Back in high school the latest craze was the Hardee's new 1,000 calorie Thickburger (or Carl's Jr. Six Dollar burger). It was
an unprecedented burger that gave euphoria while eating and terror to the large intestine and toilet The thickburger was an
enormous breakthrough for the fast food industry. Since then we've all seen the coming of Chicken Fries, the fall of the
kids' meal apple slices, and the rise of the Baconator.
But no one could have seen this one coming.
an unprecedented burger that gave euphoria while eating and terror to the large intestine and toilet The thickburger was an
enormous breakthrough for the fast food industry. Since then we've all seen the coming of Chicken Fries, the fall of the
kids' meal apple slices, and the rise of the Baconator.
But no one could have seen this one coming.
This is the Quadruple Bypass Burger, served at the one and only Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, Arizona. Some sources
have reported this baby of having up to 3,000 or more calories of greatness. I'm getting hungry just looking at it.
The Heat Attack Grill's website is awesome and really shows you how much they don't care that their food is unhealthy. To
prove this point, the restaurant is themed sort of like a doctor's office and all the servers are dressed up like nurses.
have reported this baby of having up to 3,000 or more calories of greatness. I'm getting hungry just looking at it.
The Heat Attack Grill's website is awesome and really shows you how much they don't care that their food is unhealthy. To
prove this point, the restaurant is themed sort of like a doctor's office and all the servers are dressed up like nurses.
I found these photos on some weird foreign website. Apparently this place is a hit in a lot of countries across the globe.
They probably think all American restaurants are like this.
Yes, the Heart Attack Grill does offer unfiltered cigarettes with your meal. It's a great excuse to start smoking.
They probably think all American restaurants are like this.
Yes, the Heart Attack Grill does offer unfiltered cigarettes with your meal. It's a great excuse to start smoking.
Do you think the men that eat here try to finish an entire quadruple bypass burger to impress the nurses? I can't think up a
better way to get a girl's number.
Let's look at a diagram of the quadruple bypass burger:
better way to get a girl's number.
Let's look at a diagram of the quadruple bypass burger:
That looks so delicious. My only complaint is that there isn't enough bacon.
Everything at the Heart Attack Grill is fried in 100% pure lard, and their French fries are appropriately named "flatliner fries."
For more pictures, you can visit the Heart Attack Grill's official photo page. You can see the crowd at this place is typically
composed of white, middle-aged, overweight males, and the occasional teenager who thinks over-the-top greasy fast food is
awesome (me). The restaurant has also been featured on various news outlets for being so unhealthy. Here is my personal
favorite video with the owner Dr. Jon:
Everything at the Heart Attack Grill is fried in 100% pure lard, and their French fries are appropriately named "flatliner fries."
For more pictures, you can visit the Heart Attack Grill's official photo page. You can see the crowd at this place is typically
composed of white, middle-aged, overweight males, and the occasional teenager who thinks over-the-top greasy fast food is
awesome (me). The restaurant has also been featured on various news outlets for being so unhealthy. Here is my personal
favorite video with the owner Dr. Jon:
Taste worth dying for indeed!
Pay Heed, All Who Enter 10/23/08
There isn't any KU representation out here in California. I don't understand why. The other day, I was driving with some
friends when the roads suddenly fogged up, and I jokingly turned to Steve and said, "Beware of the Phog!" Of course, he
looked at me like I was nuts, and it was then I decided I had to do something to educate these poor Californians.
friends when the roads suddenly fogged up, and I jokingly turned to Steve and said, "Beware of the Phog!" Of course, he
looked at me like I was nuts, and it was then I decided I had to do something to educate these poor Californians.
This is the sign hanging in Allen Field House at the University of Kansas. "The Phog" is referencing Phog Allen, one of the
many great coaches in KU's colorful basketball history. After explaining to my friends the meaning of my joke, we all had a
good laugh and everything seemed fine. Or so I thought.
You see, later that day I went into my bathroom and I noticed how bland everything seemed. White walls, white linoleum,
white counter tops....I felt like I was trapped in a cup of milk, only I wasn't moist at all.
It was then I had a flashback to my conversation about Phog Allen...and then I decided to make this decoration.
many great coaches in KU's colorful basketball history. After explaining to my friends the meaning of my joke, we all had a
good laugh and everything seemed fine. Or so I thought.
You see, later that day I went into my bathroom and I noticed how bland everything seemed. White walls, white linoleum,
white counter tops....I felt like I was trapped in a cup of milk, only I wasn't moist at all.
It was then I had a flashback to my conversation about Phog Allen...and then I decided to make this decoration.
This sign hangs above the door to my bathroom now. It is awesome. My toilet is notorious for clogging, so hopefully this
poster will ward off all of the evil spirits.
poster will ward off all of the evil spirits.
MLB is making adjustments 11/3/08
Did you watch the World Series? Probably not. Because baseball can be boring. So I did what any good American would
do and I emailed the president of the MLB, asking him to change the rules of the game to make it more appealing and exciting.
Here is my email:
do and I emailed the president of the MLB, asking him to change the rules of the game to make it more appealing and exciting.
Here is my email:
Major League Baseball v2
baseball is boring and lacks action. while you can blame the players (and you should) why not blame the
resources they are provided with. im not talking about their multi-million dollar salaries or their jobs of playing a
game, im talking about the field, man.
the field.
it's a diamond. a diamond is nothing more than a square slightly slightly rotated. squares are boring as hell. i
mean people are called squares for being boring. why have a boring field when you can have....
a figure eight. a figure eight is on of the most amazing shapes ever. it loops and resembles the number 8. heck it
is the number 8. 8 is a cool number. but what is most amazing about a figure eight is that it is also the symbol for
infinity. infinity is a concept of forever. and forever is cool. this is why i am presenting the figure eight baseball field.
baseball is boring and lacks action. while you can blame the players (and you should) why not blame the
resources they are provided with. im not talking about their multi-million dollar salaries or their jobs of playing a
game, im talking about the field, man.
the field.
it's a diamond. a diamond is nothing more than a square slightly slightly rotated. squares are boring as hell. i
mean people are called squares for being boring. why have a boring field when you can have....
a figure eight. a figure eight is on of the most amazing shapes ever. it loops and resembles the number 8. heck it
is the number 8. 8 is a cool number. but what is most amazing about a figure eight is that it is also the symbol for
infinity. infinity is a concept of forever. and forever is cool. this is why i am presenting the figure eight baseball field.
PROS:
HIGH ACTION
-try to steal second, the only thing in your way is the pitchers mound
-a fan stadium situated directly behind second base. any ball that goes into the stands is an automatic homerun.
no more lame pop up flys to center field, just awesome homeruns.
CONS:
nothing
please accept this as a way to save the sport, the sport of america. amen
HIGH ACTION
-try to steal second, the only thing in your way is the pitchers mound
-a fan stadium situated directly behind second base. any ball that goes into the stands is an automatic homerun.
no more lame pop up flys to center field, just awesome homeruns.
CONS:
nothing
please accept this as a way to save the sport, the sport of america. amen
I still have yet to hear back, but I suspect the President's response will sound something like this:
we love your idea. it is going to turn our sport into a 21st century festival of homeruns, exciting action, and fanfare.
we will be in contact with you and we want you to be part of the opening of this wonderful idea!
we will be in contact with you and we want you to be part of the opening of this wonderful idea!
I'll fill you guys in.
Let's not forget about Ron Paul. 11/5/08
Yeah, yeah, yeah...Obama is the next President, and McCain isn't. Big surprise there. But while Barack spoke to the crowd
from behind bulletproof glass, and while Palin cried during McCain's concession, did you ever stop to think where Ron Paul
was on Election Night?
He was right here, at his election headquarters:
from behind bulletproof glass, and while Palin cried during McCain's concession, did you ever stop to think where Ron Paul
was on Election Night?
He was right here, at his election headquarters:
For a man who received 19,000 votes, this was not quite the crowd I was expecting. Come on!
At the very least, his tie is pretty cool.
At the very least, his tie is pretty cool.
It's No-Shave November! 11/8/08
Oct-hair-ber is long and gone, and now No-Shave November has arrived. It is the most well-known and most observed
month of no shaving.
Usually when No-Shave November arrives, I pump myself up and don't shave for the first week...but then I realize how awful
I look and cry to myself as I shave my whiskers away. This year however, things are going to be different. It's been eight
days and other than my facial hair causing my skin to break out, I feel pretty good about it so far. Don't get me wrong, my
facial hair is still patchy and looks like food crumbs, but I've learned to accept any humiliation I may feel from my peers.
Throughout No-Shave November I will be posting updates of my hair progress. Keep in mind that my facial hair is blond,
that it doesn't look good, and that it grows very, very slowly.
Here is a picture of me from the night of October 31st. It's a really bad picture of me, but you can see that I am freshly
shaven.
month of no shaving.
Usually when No-Shave November arrives, I pump myself up and don't shave for the first week...but then I realize how awful
I look and cry to myself as I shave my whiskers away. This year however, things are going to be different. It's been eight
days and other than my facial hair causing my skin to break out, I feel pretty good about it so far. Don't get me wrong, my
facial hair is still patchy and looks like food crumbs, but I've learned to accept any humiliation I may feel from my peers.
Throughout No-Shave November I will be posting updates of my hair progress. Keep in mind that my facial hair is blond,
that it doesn't look good, and that it grows very, very slowly.
Here is a picture of me from the night of October 31st. It's a really bad picture of me, but you can see that I am freshly
shaven.
I am the creepy and sweaty guy on the left. Even if you squint you can't see any facial hair whatsoever. I started the
month of November at almost absolute zero...let's see where I am on the 30th. So far after eight days, I'm getting kind of
hairy. I will post a picture in the next couple days.
I encourage any of you men out there (or women) to grow out your beards and mustaches with me. It is a true test of
manliness.
I also encourage you readers to check out last years article on the World Mustache Tournament. This is basically what I'm
aiming for.
month of November at almost absolute zero...let's see where I am on the 30th. So far after eight days, I'm getting kind of
hairy. I will post a picture in the next couple days.
I encourage any of you men out there (or women) to grow out your beards and mustaches with me. It is a true test of
manliness.
I also encourage you readers to check out last years article on the World Mustache Tournament. This is basically what I'm
aiming for.
Lego Futurama 11/11/08
This is what I like to call a filler update. I'm too lazy to come up with my own content, so I just steal from another website.
Today this site is the lucky winner.
It is a well-known fact that everything awesome eventually becomes LEGO. Examples include pirates, knights, Indiana
Jones, Star Wars....the list goes on and on. Well now the beloved cartoon has unofficially entered the LEGO universe. Fans
of the show will be very amused.
Today this site is the lucky winner.
It is a well-known fact that everything awesome eventually becomes LEGO. Examples include pirates, knights, Indiana
Jones, Star Wars....the list goes on and on. Well now the beloved cartoon has unofficially entered the LEGO universe. Fans
of the show will be very amused.
Zoidberg is of course my favorite. If you go check out the site, there are more pictures which I didn't post here.
That's it for now, expect an update tomorrow.
That's it for now, expect an update tomorrow.
No-Shave November Update 11/14/08
Almost halfway through the manly month of No-Shave November. Let's see how my face is looking.
Two weeks worth. Pathetic. I swear there is more, it was just covered up by the flash of the camera. And it's blond! It's
hard to see! Although it looks red in this picture, huh?
Also, here is a bonus picture of my new Sanuks.
hard to see! Although it looks red in this picture, huh?
Also, here is a bonus picture of my new Sanuks.
Cool but elegant,
smooth but scruffy.
smooth but scruffy.
These are not shoes! They're sandals. And they are deliciously comfortable.
Stay tunes for the next update.
Stay tunes for the next update.
No-Shave November Update 2 11/19/08
It's getting really itchy. When is it considered a full length beard?