Ryan Orwig
NOTE: SOME NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED. ANY RELATIONS ARE PURELY
COINCIDENTAL AND MUST BE DISREGARDED.
COINCIDENTAL AND MUST BE DISREGARDED.
Born in a slum called Columbus, the harshest ghetto
in Ohio, Ryan came to life on a table in his small
apartment building 3 feet across. After he was born,
there was a fatal shooting that involved his mother,
who was in a hard-core gang called "The Bloods" at the
in Ohio, Ryan came to life on a table in his small
apartment building 3 feet across. After he was born,
there was a fatal shooting that involved his mother,
who was in a hard-core gang called "The Bloods" at the
spend the night on Friday night, and eat nearly a box of
Cheez-It's a night, and drink many cans of soda. Then,
in the morning, after 2 hours of sleep after playing
Diablo II all night, Bob's parents would fix bacon, eggs,
and pancakes. After a couple months of this, Ryan
became obese. When Bob moved away, Ryan began to
lose weight again, with the help of playing of soccer.
Now Ryan had another hobby, formed in the lunchroom
at Indian Woods, also in the classroom of Mrs. Jane
(name not given for confidentiality.)
Cheez-It's a night, and drink many cans of soda. Then,
in the morning, after 2 hours of sleep after playing
Diablo II all night, Bob's parents would fix bacon, eggs,
and pancakes. After a couple months of this, Ryan
became obese. When Bob moved away, Ryan began to
lose weight again, with the help of playing of soccer.
Now Ryan had another hobby, formed in the lunchroom
at Indian Woods, also in the classroom of Mrs. Jane
(name not given for confidentiality.)
Ryan began to make movies. One day, Ryan and some friends had an idea: make a
movie for a school project! And thus The greatest company in the history of the earth was
formed : Dork Productions. The story lives on.
movie for a school project! And thus The greatest company in the history of the earth was
formed : Dork Productions. The story lives on.
Ryan's first diary entry:
Dear Diary-
Yesterday was AMAZING. We played this game of Halo 2 on xbox live… it was ORGASMIC. It was capture the flag on
Midship… don’t even try to recreate it, though, you will fail miserably. Jack, Barbara Walters, Kyle, and I were on one
team, and some dumb German dudes were on the other team. We were losing by one flag, with a score of 1-0. We needed
3 flags to win the game… We finally got a flag back to our base! BUT WAIT!!!!! We needed to return our flag before we
could deposit that virtual piece of gold into our Flag Bank (I’m so clever, what a great pun…) So I stayed at our base with
Barbara Walters and the flag to guard it, to make sure that they couldn’t get it and score… Kyle and Jack went after the
German fool on the other team with the flag… Good ol’ Kyle… killed the flag holder with his sword. AND WE
SCORED!!!! So the score was 1-1. We were willing to accept a tie… BUT WAIT!!!!(again…) It was in sudden death
mode! With 5 seconds left on the clock, (which kept going back up to 5 seconds everytime someone touched a flag) we
scored again!!! BUT WAIT!!!! The story isn’t over! I began a premature rejoicing celebration and began shooting my gun
into the air, which resulted in a collapse of the entire structure… THERE WAS STILL TIME ON THE CLOCK!!! “Ryan,
you fool, IT’S NOT OVER YET!!!” said the Jack.
Amidst the rubble, I began doing the worm. This must have distracted the other team, because you don’t see a 6-foot
monster break-dancing every day. In the seconds that followed, the rest of my team went over and got the other team’s flag,
and headed home, to end the game once and for all with a 1-3 victory… What a comeback. The dirty Germans got beaten
again! HAHAHA. Wait, I am German…
SINCERELY DONE!
Ryan (a.k.a. ryanisyourking)
Dear Diary-
Yesterday was AMAZING. We played this game of Halo 2 on xbox live… it was ORGASMIC. It was capture the flag on
Midship… don’t even try to recreate it, though, you will fail miserably. Jack, Barbara Walters, Kyle, and I were on one
team, and some dumb German dudes were on the other team. We were losing by one flag, with a score of 1-0. We needed
3 flags to win the game… We finally got a flag back to our base! BUT WAIT!!!!! We needed to return our flag before we
could deposit that virtual piece of gold into our Flag Bank (I’m so clever, what a great pun…) So I stayed at our base with
Barbara Walters and the flag to guard it, to make sure that they couldn’t get it and score… Kyle and Jack went after the
German fool on the other team with the flag… Good ol’ Kyle… killed the flag holder with his sword. AND WE
SCORED!!!! So the score was 1-1. We were willing to accept a tie… BUT WAIT!!!!(again…) It was in sudden death
mode! With 5 seconds left on the clock, (which kept going back up to 5 seconds everytime someone touched a flag) we
scored again!!! BUT WAIT!!!! The story isn’t over! I began a premature rejoicing celebration and began shooting my gun
into the air, which resulted in a collapse of the entire structure… THERE WAS STILL TIME ON THE CLOCK!!! “Ryan,
you fool, IT’S NOT OVER YET!!!” said the Jack.
Amidst the rubble, I began doing the worm. This must have distracted the other team, because you don’t see a 6-foot
monster break-dancing every day. In the seconds that followed, the rest of my team went over and got the other team’s flag,
and headed home, to end the game once and for all with a 1-3 victory… What a comeback. The dirty Germans got beaten
again! HAHAHA. Wait, I am German…
SINCERELY DONE!
Ryan (a.k.a. ryanisyourking)
| An Autobiography by Ryan Orwig |
the time. His mother was shot by an opposing gang called t"The Cowpokes." After that,
his father decidedto move to Kansas City to start a better life. Ryan has one brother and
a retarded lesbian dog that isn't really his: it's his grandmother's. Shortly after, Ryan
moved to Overland Park, Kansas, where Ryan started school.
In Second grade, hell arrived in an unexpected package. (From here on this bio is
mostly true. The first part was total bulls***, except for where Ryan was born, which
isn't actually a ghetto. But he was born in Columbus.) As I said, hell came in the most
unexpected form: an 8 year old boy named Bob. Ryan and Bob were friends from 2nd
grade until 8th grade, when Bob unexpectedly moved to a small town on the edge of the
country (name not given for confidentiality.) The damage had already been done
though. Ryan would go over to Bob's house and
his father decidedto move to Kansas City to start a better life. Ryan has one brother and
a retarded lesbian dog that isn't really his: it's his grandmother's. Shortly after, Ryan
moved to Overland Park, Kansas, where Ryan started school.
In Second grade, hell arrived in an unexpected package. (From here on this bio is
mostly true. The first part was total bulls***, except for where Ryan was born, which
isn't actually a ghetto. But he was born in Columbus.) As I said, hell came in the most
unexpected form: an 8 year old boy named Bob. Ryan and Bob were friends from 2nd
grade until 8th grade, when Bob unexpectedly moved to a small town on the edge of the
country (name not given for confidentiality.) The damage had already been done
though. Ryan would go over to Bob's house and